Screwtape Proposes an Episcopal Toast (15)

Never miss an opportunity to twist, prevaricate, slice and dice, shuffle and pervert their wretched gospel at every opportunity…
With apologies to C.S. Lewis


By David W. Virtue

My dear Wormwood,

The Council of Hades met recently and concluded with a toast to your splendid services for your ongoing magnificent efforts in steering the Episcopal Church so firmly in our direction. A pint of Bishop Pike’s blood was drunk in your honor.

We have not seen its like since the formation of the National Council of Churches and all the smoke blown in peoples’ faces about ecumenicity and, now, all the recent talk of interfaith alliances. It is all such sweet music to our ears. The more befuddlement, the better. The mush god of interfaith talk must be promoted and extended far and wide, just like the call for pansexual acceptance in the name of justice. On no account must faith be personalized and homosexual behavior and its consequences talked about.

We especially like the nice linguistic turns of phrases so prevalent in discourses on pansexuality by various Episcopal bishops.

“We must engage in more than a monologue by having a 21st century conversation on sexual diversity, with new and different voices heard from.” Ah, what sweet music to our ears, Wormwood.

“This [series] will show the variety of viewpoints on issues of sexual diversity among Episcopalians. Each event has a unique focus, and, as a whole, they will lift up new voices that are rarely heard and raise awareness about the impact of church teachings and public stances of the lives of LGBT people.”

We especially like this line. “The goal is to encourage more vigorous, honest, and open debate about sexual diversity within and outside the Episcopal Church.”

Of course we know that this is a flat out lie. The goal is not to encourage more debate … that is modernist code and disingenuous double speak for throwing Church teaching overboard and continuing the revolution of evil that has swamped the Church in the west for half a century … and counting. It is, of course, precisely what we want you to encourage.

So it is very important, my dear Wormwood, to regularly update the language to make it sound more, shall we say, inclusive and heart-warming…it certainly warms our Father’s heart to see more and more folk drop into our camp. The little bishop of Iowa, Walter Righter fell into our Father’s House this past week swelling the ranks of Episcopal bishops. Have no fear, we have plenty of spaces for more heretical bishops. Our Father awaits their coming.

That Ragsdale woman who heads the Episcopal Divinity School said, “Abortion is a Blessing…and our work is not done”. What a gem. If only we could clone her and put her in every seminary in America. That she is also President and Executive Director of something called Political Research Associates, which describes itself as “a progressive think tank devoted to supporting movements that are building a more just and inclusive democratic society,” is such sweet music to our ears, Wormwood. Under no circumstances must doctrine or Scripture enter into any sort of dialogue when talk of inclusivity is raised. Inclusion must exclude any talk of moral absolutes. Keep them talking about “spirituality” not the Holy Spirit.

Promoting sodomy in the name of academic freedom is a mantra worth repeating.

The Listening Process, which everyone knows has nothing to do with listening at all, must be continued if just to blow fog in the faces of those damnable orthodox Global South bishops. It is all a subterfuge to broker in pansexuality and dumb down Global South bishops into thinking their point of view is being honored and respected. We know, of course, that it is not so, it must be maintained at all costs, even when Rowan departs Lambeth Palace – a huge loss I might point out. His waffling and prevarications on moral issues along with his near total inability to articulate a faith anybody could remotely understand got agent Slubgob a special commendation from Our Father.

The broader cultural wars talk of “chastity” and “virginity” must be expunged or, at the very least, diluted in the name of being “pastoral”. “Pastoral” should be translated as concerned, caring, and, above all, non judgmental. People must be true to themselves, whatever that is and wherever it may lead. Under no circumstances must they bow the knee to Him. Man must be the measure of all things and the highest authority. Being “pastoral” undermines the very salvation we want them to avoid. We know that “pastoral” is a code word for cowardice and, in some cases, agreement. Fill the universities and seminaries with men and women who are pastoral types, simpering milquetoast, weak, spineless, ineffectual and bland persons of all shades of opinion; pastors who can’t wait to fall all over themselves being pastoral to all who knock on their door. Being “pastoral” threatens to seriously undermine the very salvation of those in their care.

This continual furtherance of the homosexual agenda in The Episcopal Church must be pushed to new and higher levels of full inclusion of ALL sexualities. If you can include the S & M bondage crowd, cross dressers and all manner of decadent types, by, all means, do so. The church must be made to feel their pain of exclusion. Keep Episcopal bishops riding in open Cadillacs at gay pride parade days waving to crowds so they can be seen for how wonderfully inclusive and open and caring they are. What poor fools and dupes they have become Wormwood. Every time there is a gay parade of one sort or another, our Father holds a feast in anticipation of their coming. We particularly like this from the Diocese of Atlanta. “Integrity Atlanta maintains an open and welcoming atmosphere encouraging the participation in the service of all people whether female or male, straight or gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered, questioning, African American, Hispanic, Latino, white, black, brown — the entire rainbow of God’s created humanity.”

What we especially like is that there is absolutely no protection of children. These fools, including the Bishop of Atlanta, expose the “least of these” – vulnerable children – to this wholesale perversion. How positively delicious, Wormwood. Keep it up.

Your seduction of the innocent is working brilliantly. The oppression of those who must have an abortion, regardless of the spiritual, eternal, emotional and personal cost, must be buried beneath a woman’s right to do exactly as she pleases with her body regardless of personal and societal consequences. A woman must be made to feel liberated even if her immortal soul is endangered. We must never let people know that sexual liberation can lead to soul damnation.

Continue to turn up the heat by revisionist Episcopal bishops on the dwindling orthodox in the name of inclusion. The oppression of the oppressed must be sustained at all costs. Keep the property wars going; deplete their financial resources till their coffers run dry on both sides. We win either way.

Keep the magenta crowd (bishops) more focused on the weight of the cross around their necks than on the weightier meaning of the cross for their salvation. Of course we know that most TEC bishops have rejected the true meaning of the cross these days, which was the brilliant work of one of your predecessors. Liberal theology, Gay Theology, Interfaith alliances, and Liberation theology is all a continuum, Wormwood, that leads straight to hell and to Our Father. The Episcopal bishops, led by that Presiding Bishop woman, meeting in Ecuador this week have resurrected the dead dog of Liberation Theology. I doubt we could have made this stuff up. Our Father was in danger of busting a gut when he heard the news.

Keep up the good work, Wormwood. Never miss an opportunity to twist, prevaricate, slice and dice, shuffle and pervert their wretched gospel at every opportunity…

I remain your affectionate uncle,

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